i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
