Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Randomize
