i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
