I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize