Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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