So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
