conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wear drunk well.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
