and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
