okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize