his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
