he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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