there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
