I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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