So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
