Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
