yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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