i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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