I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
