Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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