got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
