I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize