i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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