I like my sex mixed with concussions.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
