i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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