McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize