I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
