Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
