He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
