i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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