So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
