my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
