i just google imaged poop.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
