I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
