im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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