upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I didn't notice because vodka
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
