I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
