oh god the rape fog is back!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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