So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
