come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
