Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
