walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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