i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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