we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
