he wants to bone in the snuggie
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
