Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
