I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
