who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
