We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
