I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
