Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
