I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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