She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
