Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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