Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
