I heard we made out
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
