I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
