either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
