i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
