Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
