Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
