She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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