i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
