Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
