I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
