so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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