If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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