I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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