Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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