for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
