Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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