I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize