I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
