I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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