Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize