Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
