Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
