Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
