I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
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