Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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