So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
