Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
