This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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