apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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