i think i have herpe
just one?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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