I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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