Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
