Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
