Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
